At least there has to happen something!? Yesterday... it was nice, yes. But I had to notice, that my life is nothing. I am not making it to somthing special. I would have to put a lot of effort into it so that it is something. It would be to stressful for me, for my taste. They experience so much and I felt bored. I thought "oh my god, all the do is drinking and speaking of other people". "What? He is dating XY? Oh my God!" (_heiligs_ölend_) Oh, yes, that is not the world I am into. And still, I expect any kind of reaction of him. I am waiting and sitting and thinking and trying to dive into different realities. But it seems not, that it worked very well today. Soon I was very bored by it, somehow? I would have to do some things for school. But I do not care very much by the time. It seems so useless. I am so bored of everything. I want somebody around me, but if I do not do anything at all, how can there happen something. I am so disgusting when I am like that, because it is so ridiculous.